Boycotting breakfast

He refused to go into the Denny’s and tried to manifest pancakes for me instead

He said he’d take me for breakfast at Denny’s, but when we got there, he parked and turned off the car. I thought maybe he was just shy, but instead, he said, “We can’t go in. I’m boycotting the system.” The “system,” apparently, was Denny’s. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but no, we sat in the parking lot for two hours while he ranted about capitalism, time not being real, and how money is “just collective imagination.” I hadn’t even had caffeine yet. He offered to “manifest” me an oat latte instead. At one point, he pulled out a crystal from his pocket and told me to hold it so I could “feel our shared energy.” I told him I was getting hungry, and he said hunger was a social construct. I left and got a sandwich. 

“Boycotting the system,” while literally sitting in the Denny’s parking lot is such peak irony, I don’t even know where to start. Like sir, if money is just “collective imagination,” then collectively imagine us inside with a stack of pancakes and a hot chocolate.

And him offering to “manifest” you an oat latte? Please. I’d be manifesting my way out of that car. The crystal moment really sealed it for me, because there’s a fine line between spiritual and “please stop vibrating that amethyst at me.”

You were absolutely right to dip and grab a sandwich. Hunger might be a social construct in his world, but in mine, carbs are very real. Honestly, you didn’t go on a date, but instead accidentally attended a two-hour TED Talk titled, Why Reality is Fake and Pancakes are Oppression.