Either I’m in love with you or I’m gay
This was our FIRST date.
We met for dinner. It was fine. Not amazing, not terrible. Just regular first date small talk. Jobs, siblings, “what do you do for fun,” the usual. At the end of the night, he walks me to my car. I’m thinking I’m about to get a polite side hug and a “text me when you get home.” Instead, he goes quiet and takes a deep breath.
Then he says, “I’ve realized something tonight and it’s one of two things.”
I’m already stressed. He says, “Either I’m in love with you …”
Long pause.
“… or I’m gay.”
I actually thought he was joking. I laughed, but he was dead serious. I asked him what that even means and he goes, “Because if I don’t feel in love with you, and you’re literally perfect, then I think that means I’m just not into women.”
So now I’m apparently:
1. The love of his life
2. The final boss of heterosexuality
On the FIRST DATE.
Then he asks, “Can we kiss? It would help me figure it out.”
HELP HIM FIGURE IT OUT.
I told him I support his journey, but I will not be conducting field research. Got in my car. Drove home. Blocked him. I hope he found clarity. I also just wanted to make sure I wasn’t wrong for that and Jahnavi you usually know best, so please let me know!
Jahnavi’s Response:
HAHAHA no because what did I just read …
First of all, you were NOT wrong. Not even a little bit. On the FIRST date? He turned you into: his soulmate, his sexuality litmus test and even a free therapy session.
“Either I’m in love with you, or I’m gay,” is actually an insane statement. That is not romantic. That is an identity crisis with a side of garlic bread.
Asking to kiss “for clarity” too? This is not a science fair project. You are not his hypothesis.
You handled this perfectly.
You were respectful.
You didn’t embarrass him.
You didn’t entertain the experiment.
And best of all, you left.
That’s emotionally mature, queen behaviour.
Also, the fact that he said you’re “perfect” like that automatically makes you the universal standard for heterosexuality? Sir, please.
I love that you protected your peace and avoided becoming Chapter 1 in his self-discovery memoir. You were absolutely right. And I hope he finds clarity too … preferably without using women as diagnostic tools ever again.
10/10 submission.
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