If a girl double-texts, she’s “desperate.” If a guy does it, he’s just “trying.” If she takes charge, she’s “too much.” If he does, he’s“confident.” The same action is often perceived in completely different ways depending on gender. We like to think dating has become more equal, but in reality, boys and girls are still playing by two different sets of rules.
From the very first move, expectations diverge. Girls are often discouraged from initiating conversations or asking someone out, warned that they’ll seem “too forward.” Boys, on the other hand, are expected to make the first move but if they’re too direct, they risk being labelled as pushy or “trying too hard.” This double standard puts pressure on both sides: girls feel they have to hold back, while boys feel they have to take charge, even if it doesn’t come naturally. To be fair, many boys do step into that initiator role with genuine confidence and good intentions. There’s often a lot of unseen pressure behind making the first move and risking rejection in a culture where every interaction can be replayed online.
The expectations don’t stop there. On a first date, it is still widely assumed that the guy will pay the bill. Even if both people are students or work part-time, many boys feel obligated to pay the bill because “it’s what guys are supposed to do.” If a girl offers to divide, it is considered pleasant; if she does not, it is rarely condemned. Similarly, on major occasions like as anniversaries or Valentine’s Day, boys are frequently expected to prepare elaborate surprises or present expensive gifts, whereas receiving anything simple in exchange is deemed sufficient. Over time, these unspoken standards can cause an emotional and financial imbalance, with guys’ gestures perceived as an obligation rather than a choice.
Another clear double standard exists around friendships in relationships. It’s widely accepted that girls can have guy best friends, but when a boy has a close female friend, it’s often treated with suspicion. The same dynamic, but completely different reactions — a perfect example of how gender expectations shape trust and boundaries differently.
The distinctions become much more evident when it comes to sex and physical closeness. For girls, sexuality is frequently viewed through the lens of “purity.” Sexual activity might result in shame, criticism, or unfavourable labelling. For boys, however, sexual experience is associated with confidence and social status—something to be proud of. Neither story is healthy. Women frequentlyexperience dread, pressure, or humiliation around sexual decisions, and men bear their own burden: the expectation to constantly be sexually experienced, confident, and ready. For many men, it is not about personal preference, but about meeting a social standard. It transforms intimacy into performance rather than mutual connection.
These double standards don’t serve anyone. They shape dating into a series of roles and expectations instead of allowing people to act authentically.
If we want real connections, it’s time to challenge these outdated scripts – not just in texting or paying for dates, but also in how we think about intimacy, pleasure, and trust. When both people can show up without judgment or pressure, dating becomes far more honest, equal, and meaningful.
Leave a Reply