Karen Savoy / Sputnik Photography

You know how it feels when it finally happens? When everything just clicks, when all the pieces fall into place, the stars aligning, eyes glancing in lock as for that single second, you finally clutch it. It’s scary, surreal, sometimes I wonder if it’s even really happening. A possession, a rag doll, you watch from the outside, seeing yourself. You laugh, you joke, your heart elopes and bubbles, why have I never felt like this before, why did it take this long, where has this been all my life. It’s beautiful, it’s liberating, it’s, it’s…………it finally happened.  

But then, it finally happened, what happens now. You finally have it, but for how long, nothing lasts forever after all. Your mind starts to track back, you find yourself then, when you had it, then you think of now, will it end the same. That’s the thing about this life, you can see the beginning, but you know the end is coming. They say have fun, enjoy it while it lasts, don’t be too serious, don’t freak out, breathe, breathe, breathe. Yet it’s still there, etching at you, gnawing at you. 

A hole of inevitable, how will I mess it up this time. It’s sad, it’s frightening, it’s happy, the greatest day of your life, the worst time to be alive. You’re right on the precipice, Heaven behind, Hell ahead. Forever and nothing, life, and death, bitter, sweet. 

I hope it works out; I hope it works out.

This poem was originally published in print Volume 23, Issue 1 on Thursday, Aug. 31.