Situationships

The casual, long-term, long-distance, low commitment girlfriend

It appears the ideal relationship to Gen Z, those currently aged 16 to 27, is one that can be summed up as a situationship. As the Barbie movie so eloquently put it, having a “casual, long term, long distance, low commitment” partner seems to be somewhat of a norm in our lives today. I, for one, can say this is a first-hand experience as well as an observed experience of many of my friends. The situationship is prevalent and it usually forces one party into a corner of a loss of self-respect.

Do not get me wrong, I, for one, understand the desire to want to hold onto someone or something as long we can. Having part of something is better than having nothing at all, however this spiral can leave you feeling unfulfilled and arguably emptier than you felt before. To take away the meaning of romantic interactions, by labeling them “friendships” when there is an obvious air of attraction and romance is confusing.

Love exists and you are allowed to want it and have it. You should not have to settle for a breadcrumbed relationship, where many aspects are what would be deemed a romantic relationship. We all deserve to be loved openly, and with the knowledge that our partner, or partners, like and desire us in the same way we desire them. You can demand and expect love from someone whose actions seem to be expressing that feeling. You are allowed to be hurt and draw boundaries when someone is not loving you in the way makes you feel loved.

The search for love in the modern world amongst young people is a labyrinth. Are we all falling in love with the people we meet, but facing the hurdles of commitment or are we simply falling in love with the idea of being in love? Being consistently bombarded with rom-coms, romantic books and fairy tales, do we enjoy love as an abstract concept? Romanticizing the idea of being with a person, doing typical romantic relationship activities because you like the activities and not the actual person you are doing them with, is a very real experience. We all need to recognize, that perhaps the desire to be in a romantic relationship is not because we desire it, but because we have been socialized into wanting one.

The song The Love You Want by Sleep Token posed a question that has popped into my head when I find myself in situationships wanting to get a deeper connection. The question is, “Seems your heart is locked up and I still get the combination wrong, or are you simply waiting to save your love for someone I am not?”

Being stuck in a cycle of wondering why no one will commit to you or form a deeper connection with you and vice versa is something that needs to be recognized and reflected upon. Relationships form in a variety of ways, but if one party is holding back and suffering because of it, the relationship is unhealthy.