We all knew it would come to this.

The beginning of the year sparked the introduction of what is claimed to be the world’s first sex robot. The robot, eloquently named Roxxxy, is a creation of the company TrueCompanion who believe that Roxxxy isn’t just a sex toy, but a companion. Roxxxy has different settings that range from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy that determine the level of sexual interest she’ll have at a particular time. Listen, Wild Wendy should be the only setting for this thing. If you are desperate enough to pay thousands of dollars for a robot lover, you probably don’t want it to tell you it has a headache or is on its period just like those human bitches you used to date.

This qualifies as an emergency, right?

There’s stupid and then there’s really stupid. A man in Florida was arrested at the end of last year for making a chain of calls to his local 911. Prank calling 911 is stupid—I would know, I did it on my 9th birthday at a bowling alley and the police called back and made me apologize—but this guy took it to the next level. While placing a number of calls to 911, the man asked the female operator about her breast size and if she would have sex with him. He also told her he was engaging in masturbation during the call. Cue the police. When the man was arrested and asked why he called 911, he replied that his phone was out of minutes and the call to 911 was free. I’m going to point out the obvious and state that if we introduced the man in this story to the robot in the above story none of this would have happened.

“…man, I sure hope I don’t get Olympic Fever from this”

As Canada gears up for the 2010 Olympics, no one is more excited than west coast whores. That’s right, hookers from all across British Columbia and Alberta are heading to Vancouver in hopes of making a quick buck for their expertise. This is causing problems within the prostitution industry because many of the local women’s business is being taken away. With all the BC bud and the plethora of prostitutes, Vancouver may swiftly become the new Amsterdam. Am I the only one who feels the genuine urge to stand up and sing the national anthem?